How to Apologize

 photo source: National Geographic

I sometimes forget to watch out for bull shit. It's important, especially since a lot of it is probably going to be coming from myself. Either way, I will sometimes find myself in a situation where I am in the wrong, and need to make amends. 

However, some people don't really know how to apologize. Sure, we can say the words 'I'm sorry', but those words can fall flat. If you find yourself needing to apologize, but you're not sure how to eloquently and sincerely profess your apology, here are a few simple steps.

This is a list paraphrased from a procedure used by employees in schnazzy ritzy hotels when faced with a complaining customer: Listen, Repeat, Promise, Fulfill.

1. Listen. No, really, listen.

Sometimes no apology can work if your friend still has to get something off his or her chest. Let the rant ensue. Don't interrupt, don't interject, listen and show that you're listening. Sometimes just the act of letting it all out can diffuse most of the anger and hurt.

2. Say You're Sorry

First and foremost, before you say anything, get straight to the point and let the apology out.

3. Repeat what the problem is.

Basically tell a summary of what the issue is.

“I'm sorry that I ate your last olive.”

“I'm sorry that I lied and talked behind your back.”

“I'm sorry that a dog stole your meal in our diner.”

Also, it helps if you include how they feel. For example:

“I'm sorry that I ate your last olive. That must have been frustrating.”

“I'm sorry that I lied and talked behind your back. I know it hurt you.”

“I'm sorry that a dog stole your meal in our diner. It must have infuriated you.”

4. Promise action

This is perhaps the most important part. An apology without reform wilts. It's reassuring to people that this conversation will be fruitful and that things will change. No one likes to be stuck in a cycle of disapointment

“Let me buy you a new jar of olives.”

“I will be nothing but honest with you in the future.”

“I'll speak to my supervisor about it.”

5. Fulfill that promise

The final way to keep your apologies effective and genuine (and hopefully infrequent) is the fulfilling of that promise. Whether it's buying a new jar of olives or keeping honest or mentioning an issue to a supervisor, do it! If you fail to fulfill that promise, at least be sure that you truly whole-heartedly tried.

And after everything, words can only do so much. It's your actions that make or break your relationship to another human being, whether they are a friend or a customer or someone else.

One final note, it is my sincere opinion that you should never apologize unless it is genuine.

Unless, of course, you're in customer service. Then apologize away!